Back Against the Wall

Curt's 100

Did I mention that I’ve been here before –- on the island, alone, looking for Maria?

I just realized you might not know that. Brill does, and Rose. I don’t think my mother does. But two years ago, I left D.C. soon after Maria did and followed her here. I didn’t know where to find her, in September 2010, but I do now.

I don’t why I felt compelled to relive that week –- all its insecurity and isolation — again. I am not the same person I was. I’m not broke. I don’t know any more Spanish than I did four years ago, but I’ve lived in New York City and learned a few things about how the world works. Of course, the important things about oneself usually don’t change all that much. I am as sincere about what I’ve come to do this time, as I was the last time. I still want to marry Maria.

I’ve relived the first week I came in search of her. I’ve slept on the beach on the edge of La Perla, walked around Old San Juan, taken the bus to El Yunque –- gathered my courage to return to the Poetry Passage. I suppose I’m crazy, in a way. I just needed to remember, in a physical way, what I felt then. I feel the same: uncertain, heartsick, yet determined. Again, I’ve needed to collect my thoughts and focus my intention: Is it right, is it just what I am doing?

If I still love Maria after four years, shouldn’t I let her know? I can’t let the distance stand. Sometimes, a guy has to cut loose from the emails, texts, and phone calls and actually show up.

One Comment on “Back Against the Wall

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Robert Hartwell

Helpful information and reflections on the church, education, and best business practices.

theunfetteredpreacher

The Word without religion

Memee's Musings

Thoughts about life, death, and the world around me.

Such Small Hands

Searching for Purpose and Finding Grace

Sacerdotus

Blogging about God, Faith, the Catholic Church and other worldly issues. All original posts are Copyright Sacerdotus 2005-2016. All Rights Reserved.

Personhood Education

THE NEW PRO-LIFE PARADIGM FOR THE 21ST CENTURY

Caritas in Veritate

The blog of Father John Boyle

Daily (w)rite

A DAILY RITUAL OF WRITING

God & Cheeseburgers

Talking about God and the world.

%d bloggers like this: